President Bush, in a surprising move today, appointed an expert to a new position: Sub-Secretary of State for Middle East Relations. The President’s choice is a native of the Middle East who has lived in North America for many years, but who nevertheless has maintained close ties with her native land.
The Sub-Secretary, who has identified her native country as “Murkey” (presumably her local dialect for “Turkey,” but we’re not entirely sure), gave this brief, yet wise, assessment of the situation in the Middle East. “Mmm. Hard Times. Bad News.” She also asked members of the press if they could direct her to the nearest hotel. We think.
Secretary of State and Ambassador of Soul Condoleezma Rice, when asked about the new appointment, indicated she believed she could work well with the new Sub-Secretary, with this caveat: “I hope I can figure out what the heck she’s saying. She said I was a ‘stoopee womo.’ I know it sounds like ‘stupid woman,’ but that can’t be what she said. Must be part of the language of her native land, Murkey, wherever that is.”
The new Sub-Secretary, Ms. Perini Scleroso, will live in the White House, where her time will be divided between her diplomatic duties and some light housekeeping.